Gifted kids

On my parenting board, we were making fun of posts brought over from another parenting board (I know so mean but who doesn't love a bit of snark?) The topic was gifted toddlers who were not so successful at potty training. People were making fun of the concept of gifted toddlers. It made me ruminate a little on some of the dumbs stuff I believed about my own kids. I actually felt a bit sorry for the mother of the "gifted" toddler because I too was convinced my daughter was a genius. I did not yet know the terms hyperlexia, echolalia, and perseveration. Oh the things I have learned. I also was kind of disappointed that the second kid did not seem to have the same "smarts" as her sister. She had other wonderful traits but didn't seem to learn as quickly. Yeah. I wasn't very bright.

Kid one was an amazing kid. She almost never cried as an infant. She was happy to play on her own. She had several words by 10 months, and was speaking in sentences by 13 months. She knew and recognized the entire alphabet, numbers, colors and shapes by the time she was 16 months old, and was drawing recognizable pictures by the time she was 18 months. I have a picture of her very first real drawing done on the magandoodle at that time. I can thank Blues Clues for that. By 2 she could complete 50 piece puzzles and knew the names and recognized all 50 states on a map. By 3 she was reading. By 4 she had an intricate knowledge of the solar system including all the planets and their physical properties. Sounds gifted right?

By 7, I started recognizing that something was wrong. She had serious sensory issues and couldn't seem to make friends. Her ped. brought up Asperger's syndrome. Yup. My super-smart doll baby was on the autism spectrum. Looking back, various things made sense. Her sensitivity to noise. Her food texture issues. The things that I took as signs of genius were recognized more as obsessions. Blues Clues, drawing, puzzles, maps, the solar system, then on to sonic the hedgehog, cats, and now holding around littlest pet shop and dragons. Drawing and cats never went away (and she spends hours drawing cats)

Is she smart? Absolutely. We finally had to do the IEP thing when she reached 7th grade and her world became a lot more difficult. She had IQ testing done. She is everywhere from average to above average (even touches into the gifted range for some things) but in the sense that you hear about 8th graders going to college? No. She has so many challenges to work around that make the areas she is good at that much harder for her. She is a really gifted artist, and I hope that is something that continues to be a passion for her.

The other kid on the flip-side was not the easiest infant to get along with. She was a screamer, had a milk sensitivity, and if you couldn't calm her down in the first 2 minutes, it was not pretty. She had a way of working herself up. She met milestones faster than her older sister. She sat earlier, crawled earlier and walked earlier. Her verbal skills were so far behind. I thought. I didn't realize that a kid with a 50 some word vocabulary by 14 months was still impressive because her sister was talking in sentences by then. She picked up the alphabet, counting, colors, and so on between 2 and 3, which is impressive if you understand toddler learning, but I was caught in the comparison trap and the older kid was faster. Kid two was also more stubborn about learning. First kid soaked things up and loved to do the little preschool worksheets and projects. Kid two, not so much. I didn't even know she could write until I found her sister's name (written in pen...on a pillowcase) in handwriting that didn't belong. She was a hot head, prone to tantrums, but also one of the most socially gifted kids I had ever known. Everybody likes kid two. It has always been that way. She is like her dad in that regard. I just figured I had one academically gifted kid, and one social butterfly.

Years later, kid two is the one in which we had serious discussions about a grade skip. Kid two is the one who is consistently on the all A honor roll with no real effort. She has had the highest scores in her grade on state tests. She won a spelling bee in grade 3. She works a year ahead in math, reading and writing. It will probably be more when she has more academic freedom in the higher grades. She is what the schools consider to be academically gifted.

Why does it matter? Well, everyone hopes for smart kids LOL but more importantly, I really did sell kid two short in the brains department based on my dealings with a "gifted" toddler. I would trade back the early years of kid one being so far ahead of the curve if it meant she didn't have to struggle now. I adore both my kids as they are. Please don't get me wrong. I just feel bad that kid one has to work so much harder at everything. I mean really, who doesn't want things to be easier for their kids?

So parents of toddlers and preschoolers...don't count on anything being as it seems. They have years and years to go yet. Just enjoy them as they are. I will say that I don't regret the time I spent homeschooling. I really did get to see those amazing first few years of school age progress which was really cool. I home schooled my kids until kid one was in 4th grade and kid two in 2nd grade. I don't think I will get the chance to do it again, especially since they have needs that I can't meet without being independently wealthy. It was still an awesome investment initially.